Rashad
Johnson's Curiously Small Monster
by David Michael Wolach
Eleanor Johnson had phoned Doctor Javitz earlier in the evening and was now standing nervously at his side. The boy had seen a monster, she said, and since then had refused to open his eyes. Eleanor was dutiful but didn't much like doctors. She suffered from a mild astigmatism andd came to the office once a year. Not knowing where else to turn, she phoned the one doctor who would offer her discounts on the co-pay, her eye doctor.
"I don't know," she said, rubbing the back of Rashad's head. "I told him there was no monster, but he just don't listen."
The boy sat on the examining table, his hands buried between his legs. He was small and bony, his head round, perhaps nearly spherical. Everything about him appeared normal though. He was maybe a little taller than when the doctor had seen him last, except now his eyes were closed.
The doctor sat in the stool across from him and leaned over. "I'm Doctor Javitz," he said very slowly, "you remember me, don't you?"
"I hear you, you don't have to shout," said the boy.
"He's got a big mouth, don't he?" Eleanor said, using the same hand she caressed him with to slap him upside the head. The boy threw his head forward and grimaced, but his eyes remained shut.
"The doctor's going to help you, Rashad. He's going to tell you there's no monster."
"Well, Rashad," said Javitz, "tell me, what did this monster look like?"
The boy squinted as if picturing it in his mind.
"He was real mean looking," he said. "And he was growling at me."
"Can you show me how he growled?" asked Javitz.
"Like this," said the boy. He wrinkled up his face like a prune and showed what teeth he had left. When he did this his eyes drew tighter.
"You lost some more teeth," said the doctor. "How many is that now?"
"Fourteen."
"Fourteen, well. You're ahead of schedule then. Tell you what, that was a very mean face. I would have shut my eyes as well. But, if I give you my promise that the monster is gone, will you open them back up for me?"
"Hell no," said the boy, and the mother hit him upside the head again.
This time she half-grinned, as if she was holding back a laugh. She knew he had heard the expression from his father. She wanted to say that but didn't.
Javitz turned to Eleanor and motioned to the door, mouthing the word "please." She made a face but then picked up her purse. "No more talk-back from you," she said to the boy. "You know I'm serious."
After she went out the doctor said, "Well, we're alone now. Between you and me, I think that your mother loves you very much and would like to see you open your eyes. Why don't we surprise her?"
The boy shook his head. The monster had appeared above him while he lay in bed two nights ago. He tried to scream but the monster took his breath away. He remembered its foaming mouth and green skin. The memory made him cold.
"Were you the only one to see this monster?" asked Javitz.
"Yeah," said the boy.
"How come your mother or father didn't see it?"
"My father doesn't exist," said the boy, "and like I told my mama, it was real small. You had to really look to see it."
"How small is small?"
The boy put his thumb and forefinger together like he was pinching the air. He said, "Like this."
The doctor looked at him and said, "Now that is small. Why are you afraid of such a small monster?"
"Cause. When I see him he makes me do things."
"And if you open your eyes, you'll see him again?"
"Damn straight," the boy said. The thought of it, of seeing it again, made him very afraid. He was afraid that if he opened his eyes he would find the doctor lying dead on the floor, the monster eating away at his flesh.
"What does he make you do?" asked Javitz.
"He made me pee the bed last week," said the boy. He was ashamed by this. "But he can make me do anything he wants."
"I see," said Javitz. "Well, peeing in the bed isn't so bad. Everybody's done it once or twice, even me."
Rashad began to giggle. He covered his mouth with one hand and pointed out into the space of the room with the other. His eyes loosened but remained shut.
"You pee the bed Doctor Javitz? C'mon," he said.
The boy wondered how a grown man could do such a thing. He wondered if he was scolded for it. Something must be wrong with him, he thought. There was another silence, and then the doctor said,
"Okay, okay. Let's make a deal. If you open your eyes, I'll give you some candy. You like chocolate?"
The boy shook his head again, his eyes staying firmly closed. His laughter stopped suddenly, as if the whole world had grown unfunny in a split second. He thought about the monster again, its terrible claws and low, murmuring voice.
"No deal," he said. And now he folded his arms and sat there, his body language telling the doctor that he was smarter than that.
The room went quiet for a long time. Each stood their ground. Javitz was running out of ploys and wondered if he was a failure. Rashad tightened and then loosened, his fear coming in waves but was never gone long enough for him to open his eyes and go back to being a boy. The doctor remembered when he was a boy, how scary the room was at night after his mother had fallen asleep. He was always afraid that the shadows made by the coat rack were his father, back from wherever he went off to, smelling of rum from the tavern and ink from the presses. There was also something that lived in the attic, the doctor recalled, which made scratching sounds, a kind of incessant digging that threatened to show itself.
Suddenly, beyond the open office door, cutting through the room came the sound of jangling keys, and the deep, resonant melody of a laugh. Rashad heard the keys, a hand cupping them and dropping them into a pocket, and that laugh. Something familiar in that combination of sounds, something so immediate, made Rashad think that his father had come. He opened his eyes and gazed past the doctor into the hall. It was not his father. But the boy's eyes were wide open and flashing about, searching.